"drive no more than 75mph...EVER"? Fuck that. Some bitches aren't worth the trouble.
Yes, fax machines are wonderful vulnerabilities to exploit. Not so much as they used to be, when everyone used thermal hardware and sending a long document of black pages would overheat and destroy the print head, but you can still fuck people up but good this way.
This isn't as bad as the dual-port exhaust story, but it is a funnier read.
She sounds cool. I don't know why she held in her laughter. There's no reason not to laugh at someone that dumps you for God, since there's no reason you can't have both.
Low-flow showerheads are a scourge upon humanity. Whoever required them should be beaten to death with one. Amen, they truly do double-or-more your shower time, as it takes fucking FOREVER to get wet or rinse off. Low-flow usually means low-pressure too, so the soap from the top of your body (or shampoo) takes a week to reach the floor. The best thing I ever did when I moved into my house was pull both showerheads and drill out the choke points inside them. My illegal showerheads make it possible for me to be in and out in less than five minutes if I'm suitably rushed. (Otherwise, I can lounge under the luxurious warm pressure.)
Y'all can just read the rest yourselves...