Jason Lindquist (jlindquist) wrote,
Jason Lindquist
jlindquist

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The annotated "People over 35 should be dead"

My sister Ronnee forwarded this. It made me laugh, and then it made me laugh again...

People over 35 should be dead.

Here's why .

According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40's, 50's, 60's, or even maybe the early 70's probably shouldn't have survived.

Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.


Yeah, and some of us grew up to be lawyers and power-mad politicians...

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, ... and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.)

As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts or air bags.


And we didn't survive accidents as often. Yeah, oops.

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

Horrors!

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.


Well, except for the fat kid down the street, 'cause we'd rather make fun of him for being fat than let him hang around with us. And it was okay with our parents to do that 'cause we were "just being kids".

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.

After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.

NO CELL PHONES!!!!!

Unthinkable!

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms.


Yup, no VCRs, so if you missed an episode of "24", or "The Fugitive" if you want to be historically relevant, you were just fucked, 'cause you also didn't have Television Without Pity to read for recaps.

We had friends!

We went outside and found them.

We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.

We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

They were accidents.

No one was to blame but us.

Remember accidents?

We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.

We made up games with sticks and tennis balls.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.

Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.


Those who didn't, didn't have the opportunity to learn from experience and get better. You got cut, you quit playing. Let's ignore the fact that some people's (possibly average) athletic ability needs a little refinement to manifest.

Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade.

And were social pariahs for it. Our elders could have seen that as a Teachable Opportunity, but preferred to take the "don't cry, you fucking baby!" approach they took to everything else. So the kids grew up to be educators who favored social promotion over literacy, and still didn't teach that it's better in the long run to learn the material and have friends in two different grades. And they grew up to be parents who place sole blame on the school for all their children's academic inadequacies.

Horrors!

Tests were not adjusted for any reason.

Our actions were our own.

Consequences were expected.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of.

They actually sided with the law.

Imagine that!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever.


And some of the most litigious fuckwads and invasive, sanctimonious, self-righteous control freak politicians, ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

And litigation and government regulation

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

By eliminating them through legislation and intimidation.

And you're one of them!

Congratulations!


Yeah, pat yourself on the back if you've still got enough coordination after your three-martini lunch!

Please pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good !!!!!

Comedy, no?
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